conditional love

Hi Terri,

You have very thought provoking blog entries! I have to admit, that I don't agree with Andrew on this one. It seems to me the fad nowadays in the post-modern philosophy to take every beloved and cherished notion and deconstruct it, leaving it reeling and embattled. Not that that isn't a good thing to challenge myths and I admire anyone who can. But in the case I think Andrew is mistaken.

First unconditional love isn't about changing anyone. It's about accepting them for who they are, warts and all. I can't change you, you can't change me. We can challenge each other, but the change isn't coming anywhere else but from within. I agree that unconditional love may not be needed for someone who has taken responsibility for their evolution, but I don't agree that it isn't necessary for others. The type of unconditional (truly) love, is a compassionate love and is one that can heal and help others move onto a spiritual path. If I withhold that and place conditions on my loving, say my sister or my godson, it can create a fears and neuroses. I know that the more love/compassion I practice at work, the more people have grown there and have changed.

Most people need to know that we are unconditionally loved, that no matter the mistakes we may make along the way, there will be someone who will love us. The need seems to be deeply imbedded in our souls. As we grow we may need it less and less as we find it for ourselves and through Spirit, but by then, we have already taken that responsibilty, that heroic leap. What about those that aren't there yet? Do we leave them alone and scared?

There is a great deal of talk on Zaadz about moving into different spiritual stages and higher evolutions, but if we are really going to change the world, we need to deal even with those that aren't at those stages, helping them along the way.

Hmmm… hope that makes sense. On the other hand, I may have completely missed Andrew's point, so feel free to enlighten me. :-)

Sian

Great quote!

I agree and disagree:)

If love is defined by actions, Cohen is dead on correct (which he often is and he rules my bookshelves).

But is love defined from within or without?

Call me wacky, but isn't love a state of being that is coupled with intention? I hope it is - if love is a state of being, then we can tap into source any time, anywhere. If love is defined by actions, then the limitations and restrictions on loving are infinite… thus the state of the world. If love is a state of being that is coupled with intention - and it is a state of unconditional being - then we are 24/7 tapped in to your source.

I am filled with unconditional love for my brother. But because he has a habit of committing violent crimes against women, I don't communicate with him and haven't for years. Yet my wife and I are big fans of loving kindness meditation and he tops my list every time.

 And in closing, I have two gerbils: George and Dali (for George Bush and His Holiness The Dali Lama of Tibet) + a dog named Cheney (for Dick Cheney). We named our pets after nefarious characters because it is so hard to love them unconditionally. Therefore, we took cute little creatures we can't help but love and named them after these leaders. We named one Dali with the hopes that at a microcosmic level they could work things out. Now we can send love to Bush and Cheney! When we listen to NPR and Dick Cheney is mentioned, my 3-year old will run in with a big grin on his face and say “Daddy, they are talking about our dog on the radio!”

Moral of my story is that if in our state of being we generate unconditional love, then we are more inspiring, more opening and more able to spread love. And yes, I would give a big old hug to any person on this planet - but I'd likely whisper in their ear that what they are doing with their lives and their power is not okay.

Namaste:)

PS - the change we seek lies not in getting others to think/be/do what we think they should, but in taking responsibility for our side of the equation. Love is inspirational, but we have to be love in order to be inspiring

Wow1  What amazing responses!  I don't think I will be quite that thought-provoking, but I had to toss my 2 p. in. 

Unconditional love, as I was taught, isn't something taken by another person.  It's given.  Plain and simple.  The people in my life WILL mess up, they will hurt me in the course of our relationships, whether intentionally or unintentionally.  That's all part of being Human.  It's my decision to love them despite those hurts.  That is unconditional love for me.  I need to know I'm loved unconditionally so that I don't beat myself up when I blow it.  Knowing simply encourages me to try harder to become a better person, which in turn will encourage those who love me to do the same.  It's a glorious cycle.

Namaste

 

I completely disagree! One who has found bliss inside starts loving unconditionally automatically. It's not about doing it & having logically impressive sounding theories.

And honestly, i wasn't much impressed with Andrew after watching his videos. I felt that he knows much theories but the essential element of a spiritual person which is enligtenment is missing.

No offence intended. Just my feelings!

much love, Rohit

Wow!  Terri, thank you for posting this - - it has challenged me today!

I clicked on the “Comment” button really not knowing whether others would agree with what I'm about to type or not, just knowing deep down that I needed to respectfully and emphatically disagree with Mr. Cohen's quote.  I've heard some wonderful things about Andrew Cohen, and have wondered what he's all about.  I have not yet made the time to explore his work… and to be honest, this quote was not what I expected to “hear” him say!  Wow!  How interesting!

This quote literally shocked me!  And actually, I like being shocked - so thanks again for posting it!  :-)  So I looked within to see why I had such a strong negative reaction…  Here's why: it's because, for one, everything I am (body, emotion, mind, and spirit) disagrees with it, and because two, I am unexpectedly surprised that so many truly bright people speak so highly of the man who wrote it!  Makes me want to discover more about him…

All I know is my own experience.  And every experience I've ever had, my entire life, has shown me consistently (and therefore has truly TAUGHT me) that unconditional love is what CAUSES me to reach my true potential, live a life of integrity, and inspire others to do the same.  And I've also learned repeatedly that when I'm shown conditional love, from myself or from others, I respond in a clearly negative way - usually with fear and lack of action… and suffering.

I will say, though, that I agree with Cohen about it being very important to have a strong will and a strong soul!  And I will also acknowledge that people's conditional love and all the pain IT caused has definitely helped me to KNOW how strong my soul and will are.  What if we discovered we don't have to teach people the big lessons the hard way?….

So I say fine.  :-)  I love that Cohen is putting information that he believes will improve the world out here into it!  That is beautiful, and I respect and honor his strength and will and integrity in doing so.  I also honor myself and the others above who respectfully disagree… from a place of unconditional love.  :-)  Action will speak much louder than our words, though.  ;-)

Love and Light,
Audrey

My analysis, piece for piece…

“Unconditional love has no value whatsoever if you're interested in the evolution of consciousness. I know that this ideal is very popular in the postmodern spiritual marketplace.”
Actually, what I think ruins many otherwise positive, productive and beneficial post-modern theses is their seemingly ubiquitious insistance on opposing something. (My attitude is that I'm not going to buy the part of your perspective that requires me damning someone elses.) This is what Andrew is doing with unconditional love here - is he trying for popularity “in the postmodern spiritual marketplace”?

“Unconditional love has no value whatsoever if you're interested in the evolution of consciousness.”
In my model, consciousness itself does not evolve, what evolves is our perspective on it, our comprehensive and cognitive capabilities. The “Witness” does not change, nor does the absolute truth of non-dual reality. What does happen is that we mature to greater understandings of it. Again, I have noted that many post-modernists confuse the hierachal development of perspectives as a hierachal structure of forms and/or people. (This leads them to being anti-authoritarian and anti-structualit.)

“The only individual who wants or needs to be loved unconditionally is a sinner who has absolutely no intention of repenting!” Quite a bit of judgement of humanity and individual humans in there. I wonder wether that is shadow projection or shadow hooking?

Here's the thing: evolution isn't demanded by conditions, it is inspired by love.

I am always a little confused when I hear the phrase unconditional love.

For me,  'Love', whatever that is, can only be unconditional, anything else is simply a construct of the mind.

The universe we live in, and are an intrinsic part of, is profoundly amazing. In my experience I have come to recognise that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING has immense value in the evolution of consciousness and co-creation. It is not possible for it to be any other way UNLESS YOU CHOOSE IT TO BE SO.

The Universe works in a structured way even when operating seemingly in a chaotic manner. The clearest understanding of how consciousness evolves is through an ever present and ongoing dance involving The Holographic Triune and Natural Paradox.

I do sound as though I have swallowed a section from a bullsh**ter's dictionary, and apologise if this is so. However, I am a very simple, but practical bloke who used to own a construction company which is definately all about things practical. So if you are interested, stay with me on this for a moment.

Natural paradox occurs where some conflicting or opposite information, opinion or evidence is present . This is ALWAYS the case if we care to look. In any experience there is always a positive perspective and a negative one. The Yin and the Yang. We usually see the negative one fairly prominently. That's good. No, that is actually great! It is great because we are then in a better position to see what we do not want, and then what we do. This allows us to make a conscious choice to set about co-creating what we want through the power of deliberate intention. Without the negative, our awareness would not be so clear. 

Problem is, often we have learned to get stuck in emotion, but that's another story.

In addition to the two perspectives; positive and negative there always exists a third one, the unseen; that one that people refer to as the 'Aha'. So here we have the first example of The Holographic Triune in action. 

The most powerful working version of The Holographic Triune that each of us has as a PRACTICAL & USEABLE working tool to raise our consciousness, individually and collectively is simply the relationship between Logic, Emotion and Intution; between Mind, Heart and Soul. 

I have probably written too much already, but if you happen upon this comment and wish to consider more information about the Holographic Triune, look at some articles on my website http://www.senseable.co.uk/  under articles. 

In June, I will be publishing another website with tools available for spiritual and personal development that may also be of interest, plus I have a blog “The first 100 days of Deliberate Success - a diary of the power of intention”.

I am currently at day 21and seen some fascinating developments, including a rapid change from being close to financial melt down to having the capital to launch a new product!

To conclude. If you want the universe to evolve through you, I suggest it happens as a consequence of self - observation and conscious refelection. It starts by acknowledging that you have never, ever in your life been wrong, been late, been judged by anyone nor have judged anyone else. It accelerates by becoming more and more judjemental not less so!

On that note I really must stop - I have a product to launch in four weeks.

Do please join my circle of friends - I would love to engage in conversations, help and support you in stepping towards your dream, and invite you to help me to create mine. Finally, together we can demonstrate to ourselves, and the world at large that we should expect miracles. 

LnL

Pete